


i’m losing my mind (you’re still too bright)

by frozenbaozi



Series: the adventures of little devil!hyuck and whipped!mark begin! [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Confessions, Drinking, M/M, Smoking, alternatively: markhyuck smoke weed, doyoung is screaming - Freeform, thats about it actually, uhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 15:59:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19771597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frozenbaozi/pseuds/frozenbaozi
Summary: Mark hasn’t quite come back to reality - he was in a headspace, goddamnit - when Donghyuck slides off him, takes his hand, and makes a run for it.“So, your place?”alternative title: markhyuck smoke weed





	i’m losing my mind (you’re still too bright)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Catsby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catsby/gifts).



> hi!! to be fair, this seems like a proper ao3 debut for me, so let’s just jump right into it!  
> i didn’t put any warnings because nobody gets hurt or has anything done to them against their will, BUT if you’re uncomfortable with drinking and smoking, please skip this one!  
> disclaimer: this is purely fiction, and i am in no way claiming that any members of NCT smoke or do any sort of drugs.  
> title from stuck - monsta x
> 
> (i think that was it??)
> 
> #

When Johnny pulls up in front of the party and slows the car to a rough stop, Mark is ready to go back to the dorms. He’s been cramming for tests the whole week, staying up late and getting up early for morning classes. From the back seat of the car he squints at his roommate’s hand on his boyfriend Doyoung’s thigh, calculating how many dishes he’ll have to do back home if he steals the car and bails now. It’s Saturday, and Mark had planned to do nothing but sleep the whole day away and maybe even squeeze in a meal or two between naps, so a party had never been part of his plans.

Feeling stuffy, Mark pulls the handle to try and get out of the car for some air and maybe a refreshing evening run back home, trying not to get murdered by crazy people. Like Doyoung, who meets Mark’s eyes through the rear view mirror and smiles, which is suspicious and definitely not normal. He gives up when the door won’t seem to budge.

“There’s safety locks on the doors, you know?” he snickers, like Mark had been faxing his thoughts directly to Doyoungs eyeballs or something. Mark takes a very deep breath. Sometimes, he regrets everything.

“Johnny, dude, I’m sorry to break it to you but I’m pretty sure your boyfriend’s a serial ki-“

“Think this’s the place,” Johnny butts in, saving his ass from rage a la Doyoung. He pulls the hand brake and sticks the car keys in his back pocket before moving to unlock his seatbelt. Then he reaches over Doyoung to open his, too, which is romantic and therefore gross, and now Mark really can’t steal the car, because Doyoung won’t hesitate, bitch, if Mark’s hands go anywhere near Johnny’s ass. He sighs, defeated, and decides to make the best he can of the night now that he’s there. The party seems big enough for him to be able to mingle in seamlessly anyway, and the music is loud enough for Mark to be able to lose himself in, the speakers in the house spitting out bass boosted party hits that carry all the way into the car.

“Dude, could you please just open my door?”

Stepping through the front door of the house is like stepping into a confined heat wave, except the vibrating air is music that pulsates through Mark’s entire skeleton like a diabetic on energy drinks, and the heat is a sea of moving bodies, swaying or jumping around to the music with cups in one hand and maybe some ass in the other if they’re lucky. Mark is pretty sure he saw someone making out with a vodka bottle somewhere, and wonders exactly what time it is. Somebody’s parents must be out of town for the weekend, leaving their white suburban neighborhood villa with a full porch and bonsai trees in the front garden to be trashed by a bunch of college kids. If Mark ever gets to buy a house in this economy, he’ll adopt twenty seven cats and apply for a job as editor for Queer Eye.

Neither Mark nor his friend-and-boyfriend-package-deal are even one drink in yet, so the first thing he does after letting himself adjust to the atmosphere and the flickering lights is abandoning them in the entry and beelining for the alcohol. He usually ends up alone when it’s the three of them together anyway, so he leaves the couple in the dust to do whatever it is couples do.

In the periphery of his vision, Mark sees Johnny as a mop of brown hair flopping towards the general direction of the backdoor. Doyoung isn’t tall enough to be seen above the people-sea, but he’s probably... He’s very likely dragging Johnny to the backyard to go make out or something. Mark does not want to know.

He lurks around for a bit until he spots the kitchen, which is filled with people in various states of intoxicated ranging from ‘just got here, pour me literally anything’(Mark), to ‘I’ve had an entire bottle of vodka, pour me literally anything’(bottle french kissing guy). He pushes his way around until he spots the arrangement of shots bottles and downs a few that taste like someone grew strawberries in the Dead Sea, then one that tastes suspiciously like barbecue chips.

Mark turns around after filling his plastic cup with a mysterious mix of alcohols and scans the living room for a vacant seat. Someone has turned up the music and at this point, it’s almost like the drums have a hold on his heart, beating with the rhythm. Mark doesn’t mind and just mingles in with the dancing people, letting himself be pushed around.

His eyes swipe over groups and groups of people before they land on a cluster of couches and chairs in the far off corner of the room, and suddenly it’s like he’s already twenty shots in, spinning in place and his fingertips buzzing faintly. Lee Donghyuck is sitting right there on the couch with a cigarette in one hand and a flimsy lighter in the other, seeming to struggle a bit getting the flame to catch on. Beautiful, perfect, evil Donghyuk. He’s talking animatedly with a few others over the beat of the music, and the faint smell of weed drifts in wafts from the group on the couch. Mark promptly spins on his heels and heads back to the kitchen for something stronger, emptying the cup in his hand on the way.

Donghyuck is here.

He wonders briefly if Johnny and Doyoung had known that Mark’s physical manifesto of a gay awakening would be here tonight, but quickly discards the thought. They know how things are between the two of them, and no matter how much they both enjoy teasing Mark they wouldn’t have kept him in the dark about Donghyuck being here. Doyoung may be a bitch, but he’ll never be _that_ bitch.

Donghyuck is here, though, and Mark can try all he wants but he knows that he’s going to end up gravitating towards him eventually no matter what, because that’s how it’s always been with them. Mark can’t stay away, and Donghyuk doesn’t seem to stay at all.

There’s a crash from somewhere behind him, sounding like someone fell, and then there’s a hand poking at his shoulder, insisting. Mark turns around, trying out a scowl to try and fend the drunkard off, because his scary pretty crush is in the room next to him, and at this point he’s really just trying his best to get really drunk really fast. That is, until he turns around and identifies the little pest on his back.

“Baekhyun?” Oh, great, he thinks. More pretty people. Mark tries to figure out how many dishes he should make Johnny do for dragging him to this stupid party. He turns to face Baekhyun, immediately noticing how his eyes are bloodshot as hell, droopy and tired and really not corresponding to the way he keeps bouncing on spot.

“Hey, Mark man! Mark, the man. Do you got the lighter, by anything’s chance?” Baekhyun shrieks into Mark’s ear. He sounds high off his feet already, and oh, wasn’t he one of the people on the couch with Donghyuck just before? The gods of gay panicking must see lots of potential in Mark as their sole successor, seeing as gay panicking is looking to be the only thing he’ll be doing tonight.

See, Byun Baekhyun is pretty. Not on Donghyuck’s level, true, but he’s… Up there. Mark has long since accepted that literally everyone has had a baby crush on the guy at some point. He’s outgoing, contagious with his laugh and the way his eyes crinkle like to him, life is just good. And he doesn’t run away from Mark.

“I’ve got one, yeah. Just come back when you’re done with it?”

“Why don’t you join us instead?” he grins, and the five shots in Mark’s system can’t find any good reasons to refuse. Baekhyun looks like he’s having the time of his life when he grasps Mark’s wrist instead of his lighter and starts pulling him towards the couches, the heady smell of weed growing more intense as they get closer.

It’s awkward as hell for the first two minutes, and for the third time that night Mark strongly considers just going home. When they had reached the group, Baekhyun had introduced Mark, Mark’s lighter, and then himself in that order. He’d then proceeded to announce that he would be stealing the best chair for himself, and then sat his ass on the floor after completely missing said chair.

They had all laughed at that, and the weird tension from before had dissipated until Mark could almost forget who he came there for.

He glances over to where Baekhyun is still effectively planted on the floor. He looks like he might pass out any minute now, but Mark has seen him high enough times to know that the sleepiness usually doesn’t last long. He’ll take what he can get, though, making a show of pulling out his paper and filter from his pocket along with two cigarettes. It’s usually Baekhyun’s job.

When he looks up to find someone who looks like they know how to roast a smoke, he finds most of the people talking amongst themselves, all having to lean so close to hear anything over the song playing. He knows most of them as friends of his friends save from Lucas who takes like four classes together with Mark. His boyfriend slash homme fatale fuckbuddy, Chittaphon, is nowhere to be seen, which really takes some pressure off Mark’s back because he and Donghyuck together usually means nothing but trouble.

Lucas and a guy named Jaemin are trying to chat up two Chinese, and Mark says this with utmost respect, hotties, who both look like they could be doing anything (and anyone, probably) but specifically chose to sit here and look bored and gorgeous. Next to Mark Renjun is trying to look angry, Mark thinks. Whatever it is he’s going for, it’s not really working, and he just ends up giving off an ominous vibe. Why? That’s a mystery to Mark, so he stops thinking about it altogether.

The only ones who aren’t socialising are Jungwoo, who’s also scary, and- oh, Donghyuck is wearing eyeshadow today. Fuck, Mark thinks, and drops his lighter.  
He picks it up, shouldering his embarrassment like a man until Donghyuck steals it from between his fingers, tips brushing his before he straightens up and takes with him the cigarettes in Mark’s lap, too. It feels like a goddamn 8PM Thursday drama, the way he feels his cheeks grow red and his ears heat up, only Lee Donghyuck isn’t the handsome second lead who works at the coffee shop, is he? He’s the bad boy, sprawled out on the couch across from Mark, again with a lighter in one hand and a smoke in the other. It’s all a game, an image, Mark knows that and yet it doesn’t stop his insides from tingling with butterflies and want. Donghyuck is just trying to see how thin he can stretch Mark before he snaps. It doesn’t mean anything.

The heavy red shadow surrounding his eyes pulls Mark in, and he ends up hyper focused on the golden shimmer that’s dusted right in the center as it catches the flashing lights so subtly when they glide over Donghyuck’s face. He has the nerve to send him a lopsided grin before he flicks the lighter on and begins working the cigarette. He hasn’t even said a word to Mark yet but he’s already driving him crazy just with how he exists, so effortless in the way he moves and never allows Mark more than a glimpse of what’s going on in his head. It’s maddening because it’s not enough, it never was.

Mark has everything ready when Donghyuck motions for him to take the smoke from his hand, so aware of how those golden eyes don’t leave his face when Donghyuck takes a slow swig of Mark’s drink.

Baekhyun starts to stir when they light up the first joint, the sly bastard. Mark seems to be the only one who knows he was just pretending to be asleep, or more likely he’s the only one who gives a shit. He doesn’t, though.

Mark gets the first hit because he’s nervous as fuck and wants to look cool in front of Donghyuck. They pass it in a circle, and with every time it comes back around, the music fades a little more until there’s only the heavy tumble of the bass drum in their chests and it’s just the eight of them in their own little world.

Lucas has finally succeeded in getting the Chinese boys - Xiaojun and Sicheng, Lucas had called them - to open up a bit, or at least that’s what he seems to believe. Mark doesn’t think they need to talk a lot as he watches them through heavy eyelids, sitting close together and only nodding when there’s a break in Lucas’ word vomit. Chittaphon joins him on the couch somewhere along the way, steals a little smoke from Lucas’ mouth, looking content with just watching his boyfriend lighting up as he speaks and kissing through the smoke from time to time.

It’s getting late now. Lucas and his boyfriend had started getting freaky with Sicheng and Xiaojun at some point and now nobody really knows where any of them are. Jaemin and Renjun, who are apparently also a couple, had gotten a little, well, inspired, so Jaemin is currently in Renjun’s lap, back against his chest. Watching the small angry boyfriend completely disappear underneath Jaemin sends Mark straight into a weed-induced laughing fit. He laughs so much that his cheeks start to feel like they go all the way to his forehead, which is somehow even funnier and doesn’t help Mark stop laughing at all, and he keeps giggling to himself. To top it off, Donghyuck has been very openly staring at him for the better part of an hour, which naturally makes Mark’s brain short circuit and go into a bout of gay panic. It freaks him out because his high has long since worn out, yet the room starts spinning all over again every time he looks at Donghyuck.

Oh, oh, and now Donghyuck is moving. He’s moving… Towards Mark? As he inches forward, he looks so at home in the middle of everything; the disco ball that got knocked over and keeps blinding Mark if he moves his head too far to the left looks so pretty on this boy’s golden skin, and the music that’s starting to hurt in his ears Donghyuck has in the palm of his hand, and it almost looks like the beat moves to his flow.

‘ _You’re so beautiful like this_ ,’ he keeps thinking, ‘ _there’s only you_.’

“Thanks.”

It rings in his ears because fuck, he said that out loud. To Donghyuck’s face.

God, all those years of pining and it ends like this - at some party in a house he doesn’t even know who owns, with half a beer on the table in front of him and a fading high that he can feel somewhere under his kneecaps. If this wasn’t something Mark has been dreaming about for years, he would have ran away already, if only because Lee Donghyuck deserves better than this. But he has, so he doesn’t run. Just sits there and tries really hard to not look how he feels.

His brain chooses that moment to remember Lucas and Chittaphon smooch and smoke at the same time, and his cheeks (normal sized, this time) almost melt off his face. He looks up and suddenly Donghyuck is so close he can see the little shimmer he’s put on the bridge of his nose, and Mark thinks he goes a little cross eyed.

“I’m sorry,” Mark says, breathless, “I was just thinking out loud , I know it’s weird but it’s true and i don’t expect anything—“

There’s a hand on his mouth? Oh, that’s _Donghyuck’s_ hand on his mouth, what the fuck—

“Shut up, Mark. I feel the same. I’m a coward for never telling you but i feel the same.”

Maybe if Mark wasn’t growing awfully sober he could have pretended he hadn’t heard anything, maybe he could have kept up the delusion that Donghyuck is an awful heartbreaker who doesn’t care about Mark or his feelings in any way. Unfortunately - fortunately - the high is gone and the alcohol isn’t surging so wildly through his blood anymore, and he heard Donghyuck loud and clear. Donghyuck, who feels the same?

Mark feels a little lightheaded.

“You… What?”

“I said I feel the same! I like you! Can I kiss you now?” Donghyuck says, sounding every bit as breathless as Mark feels. “Please?” And maybe if his eyes weren’t so wide, if he didn’t look so nervous and if he wasn’t still holding Mark’s cheek so gently, maybe he could have fooled him into thinking he wasn’t affected at all.

And he must really be dreaming, because he only gets to nod once before Donghyuck is leaning in, holding Mark’s eyes until the last second before their lips crash together. It’s a little uncoordinated and a little confusing because Mark’s entire body feels like it’s been electrified, and his heart feels so weak. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, just lets Donghyuck guide them to his waist as he settles on top of Mark(!!!), one knee on each side of his thighs and his feet dangling off the couch.

Mark hasn’t felt quite like this before in his life, he thinks. Donghyuck’s hands are cupping his jaw and Mark can feel the hairs on the nape of his neck stand on end as a finger draws little circles below his ear. Something coils tight in his stomach, so intense it’s like he’s suddenly free falling. He holds on tighter to Donghyuck to shake the feeling and snakes his arms around his waist, trying hard not to curl in on himself completely. He doesn’t want to stop kissing Donghyuck but it’s too much now, and he breaks them apart so he can breathe deeply again. He can’t really hold eye contact, he’s so overwhelmed but Donghyuck knows him well enough to see that, so he tucks his face into Mark’s neck and begins to mouth slow and soft at his skin, and Mark can’t help but sigh as he drops his head onto Donghyuck’s shoulder.

Some of his nervousness dissipates with Donghyuck’s mouth so close he can hear him breathe even with the music and feel the warm air on his ear with every exhale. Gathering all the courage he has, Mark lifts his head a bit so he can reach Donghyuck’s collarbone. He tries a few kitten licks and it doesn’t take more than that for Donghyuck to go a little slack on top of him and for his breaths to start coming out a little forced. So Mark gets bolder, just a little, closing his lips around a spot just over his clavicle where the skin is soft and pliable. And he just can’t help himself then as he bites down a bit—

“Mark, _ah_ -“

Mark releases Donghyuck’s skin from his teeth and lets himself be distracted by the faint mark left on his skin — _he_ did that — before raising his head to really look Donghyuck in the eye, disbelieving. In front of him Donghyuck looks like a deer caught in the headlights, and Mark reaches up to take hold of the hand he’s clasped over his mouth, and leads it back down. Donghyuck looks so surprised it’s almost funny, but he also kind of looks like he’s about to cry, so Mark decides to change lanes.

His brain very helpfully provides him with the information that Donghyuk just moaned, and that it was _hot_ , and that he apparently is embarrassed to moan in front of Mark. He stores that information in the back of his mind to make use of another time.

“Hey, can I try something? With you?” he asks, cautiously because the boy on his lap looks so vulnerable, and Mark realises that this Donghyuck, lips swollen and eyes glazed over, is no different than the one he’s used to seeing, no different but infinitely deeper. And if he showed Mark something he didn’t mean to, then Mark refuses to take that for granted.

Donghyuck looks a little out of it but he nods and sits back a little, waiting. Mark reaches to the table behind him. He has to pat around a bit because he just can’t take his eyes off Donghyuck, but eventually his pack of cigarettes show up under his palm, and he fishes one out along with a lighter. Donghyuck seems to realise what he’s doing when he lights it, and if he lets another little sound escape then Mark will never comment on it.

“Yeah, please,” he rambles, “I’ve wanted to do this since I saw you smoking that first time, please—“ And really, who would Mark be to say no?

But the first time he saw, that was— that was years ago, back when they used to hide behind the gym at school so the teachers wouldn’t see. He’s been wanting Mark like this for so long?

Mark blinks, feels a little disoriented because having Donghyuck like this, the boy he’s been in love with for years, it’s new and—

And he’s in love with Donghyuck.

“I’m in love with you,” he says, just lets it slip like that even though the setting is all wrong and they’re both a little intoxicated and Donghyuck isn’t crying but his eyes are a little too wet, “I love you?”

“Just light your fucking smoke, Mark,” he says but he’s smiling so wide and his eyes are sparkling, so Mark does what he’s been told.

He splutters just a little on the first exhale with the excuse that he’s so happy his hands are shaking, and Donghyuck takes the cigarette from his hand with a bubbling laugh that makes Mark’s stomach flip. It all feels surreal.

“Wait, aren’t your legs falling asleep? You’ve been sitting there for—“

And then Donghyuck’s lips are on his, a fairy touch, and they’re blowing smoke into his mouth. When Donghyuck tries to pull away Mark reaches up to grab his face so he can’t and holds him there for a few seconds, just letting them touch. He can feel Donghyuck’s façade cracking and his lips curl into a smile. They stay like that until he inevitably grows impatient once again, sitting back and taking another drag, then coming back in for another kiss.

Mark is so focused on Donghyuck that when somebody starts hollering behind him he doesn’t even recognise Johnny’s voice until it’s too late. Of course he had to show up, and of course Mark is so unlucky that he’s got Doyoung in tow (but then again, doesn’t he always have Doyoung in tow. Or is it the other way around?).

They break off the kiss because Donghyuck hiccups and it shocks Mark, and suddenly Doyoung is screaming that he’s been traumatised, and that Donghyuck is a devil and has stolen his child. Mark wants to die.

He hasn’t quite come back to reality - he was in a _headspace_ , goddamnit - when Donghyuck slides off him, takes his hand, and makes a run for it. It’s not a walk on roses getting out, and they have to slow down a lot to avoid the ones still left dancing around the house. Apparently people aren’t done partying at, Mark checks his phone, two a.m. Johnny’s cackle is still echoing in his head when they get outside.

Both their breaths are crystallising in the air as they come out in little puffs, and Donghyuck is laughing so of course Mark is also laughing, air catching a little in his throat from the cold. It’s just the two of them now. The silence is ringing in Mark’s ears and the wind bites his cheeks but he’s never felt better than in this moment, and it hits him, then, that he wants to stay like this with Donghyuck forever.

“Hey,” he calls out, too loud in the silence of a sleeping suburb. Donghyuck turns his head to eye him with that coy expression that tells Mark he knows what he’s about to ask and knows his own answer to it, too. Mark asks anyway, ever the optimist.

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

“Ask me again tomorrow and I might say yes,” comes the reply, and there’s that vulnerability again, another layer of Donghyuck going transparent right before his eyes. He smiles, nodding like it’s all he knows how to do. Takes Donghyuck’s hand again, and gives it a squeeze.

“So, your place?”

He’s burning up.

The air in the room is heavy and suffocating and sunlight is streaming in through the opened curtains. Through… the opened curtains in Donghyuck’s room. Those are definitely Donghyuck’s curtains, why is that so important? God, Mark’s head is pounding and he’s so thirsty, but he knows the pain will only increase tenfold if he sits upright, so he just stays lying down. He tries stretching as he’s sore all over, but where’s his right hand? He feels around for it with the other, it’s probably just asleep, but instead of his missing hand he finds— a face? Yeah, that’s definitely a face, but why—

That’s _Donghyuck’s_ face. He knows that because Donghyuck just punched him in the guts for poking at his pretty face, and oh, now he can’t really breathe, what a bummer, he’s never doing that again, _ow_?!

“Oh fuck, hey! I’m so sorry Mark, are you okay? Can you breathe now?”

“Yeah, fuck, how do you hit that hard this early in the morning?” Mark means to sound at least a little bit hurt but his face betrays him, and he splits into a grin that has Donghyuck visibly relieved as he looks up at Mark from where he’s squished into his chest. He smiles even wider as yesterday comes back to him like being hit by a Donghyuck, and he recalls the last conversation they had.

Donghyuck wiggles around as Mark hugs him tighter to himself and they’re both all giggly and floating on clouds despite the pounding hangovers they’re likely both sporting. And he’s so beautiful like this, Mark thinks as he really takes him in; the little mole next to his eye and the way he lights up in the morning sun; the curve of his lips and the slope of his nose. He’s got a massive case of bed hair that would ruin the good looks of anyone else but on Donghyuck it’s adorable, and his eyes squeeze shut when Mark has to reach up and ruffle it a bit more just for the fun of it.

“Be my boyfriend, Lee Donghyuck?” he asks, then, looking down into those droopy eyes as they turn into crescents with the start of a smile. Donghyuck just nods and leans up for a kiss that smells like morning breath and the aftertaste of alcohol, and if his eyes look a little too wet and he sobs just a little into the kiss, then Mark will never say a thing.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading:)
> 
> please consider leaving a kudos if you enjoyed!
> 
> any thoughts on this are highly appreciated:)  
> as i’ve just gotten home from my local pride i just want to remind you: you are valid, you deserve love, and you are NOT an abnormality. you’re you and you’re fucking fantastic. love as wildly and visibly as you possibly can, because you deserve to. 
> 
> come yell about wonho and donghyuck with me on twitter: [rebellijoon](https://twitter.com/rebellijoon)  
> or curiouscat: [rebellijooon](https://t.co/pV9T852gWx?amp=1)
> 
> and lastly, have an amazing summer!!!!


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